The Morning After

Contrary to what you probably think, I don't really care much about politics. Whenever an election rolls around again I pay closer attention and try to be informed before I cast my vote. This election cycle was different. For me, there was a very clear villain and I did everything in my power to speak out against him. I did not succeed. I have a lot of muddled thoughts this morning and I want to try and write them as eloquently as I can. Forgive me if I fail.

To my Hillary-supporting, like-minded, democratic friends: This blows. It does. It can't be denied. We are allowed to grieve. Take all the time you need. Cry. Eat. Punch a pillow. Do what you have to do, but once we've grieved we need to pull ourselves together and continue to fight the good fight. This election wasn't about Trump or Hillary or Bernie or any other politician for that matter. This election was about the American people. This country is divided. The only way to combat that is to be the best persons we can be. We will continue to show love to Muslims, immigrants, people of color, women, LGBTQ, and (heaven forbid) even Trump supporters. We need to lead by example and show America and the world that love trumps hate, every time.

I know that most of my fellow democrats are non-religious and that's totally cool, I respect you and understand why you feel that way, but I do want to share one religious thing, if you'll allow me. There is a song called They'll Know We are Christians by Our Love, and that song has always meant a lot to me, but it means more to me today than usual. I know the word "Christian" has a lot of negative connotation attached to it these days, and I get it, believe me. But the type of Christian, the type of person I want to be is really at the heart of this song. Take a look and I think you'll agree with me:

We are one in the Spirit,

we are one in the Lord, 

We are one in the Spirit

we are one in the Lord,

And we pray that all unity

may one day be restored:

And they'll know we are Christians

By our love, by our love,

Yes, they'll know we are Christians

By our love.

We will walk with each other

we will walk hand in hand

we will walk with each other

we will walk hand in hand

and together we'll spread the news

that God is in our land:

And they'll know we are Christians

By our love, by our love,

Yes, they'll know we are Christians

By our love.

We will work with each other

we will work side by side

We will work with each other

We will work side by side

And we'll guard each man's dignity

and save each man's pride:

And they'll know we are Christians

By our love, by our love

Yes, they'll know we are Christians

By our love.

All Praise to the Father

from whom all things come,

And all praise to Christ Jesus

His only Son, 

and all praise to the Spirit

who makes us all one:

And they'll know we are Christians

By our love, by our love

Yes, They'll know we are Christians

By our love.

Yes. We lost this battle, but there is still a war tearing this country apart and that has to be our focus. Let's show them what Love Trumps Hate really means.

To the Trump Supporters: Congratulations. I am glad you are happy your candidate won and I hope and pray that Trump will make some positive changes for this country. I would like to ask a favor of you. Please stop laughing at those of us who are grieving and devastated today. What I want you to understand is that we are grieving not because our candidate lost, but because we are scared. A man who has been sexually abusive to women, racist towards blacks and latinos, aggressive towards Muslims and immigrants, and derogatory toward LGBTQ has just won the highest seat of power in this country. I do not understand why you voted for him. I'm sure you had your reasons, but please stop laughing at us. Stop being smug and condescending. Let us grieve.

To the Bernie Bros: You may have just swayed the entire election in Trumps's favor. I doubt that's what you wanted, but here we are. I love Bernie too, guys. I voted for him in the primaries, but when Hillary won the nomination I threw my support to her. The only outcome I wanted from this election was to not have Trump in the Oval Office. Hillary was my chance to stop that from happening. She was your chance and you blew it. I have no patience for you guys getting on Facebook and Twitter and saying "You should have listened." No. YOU should have listened. And you know who you should have listened to? Bernie Sanders.

To the third party voters: I get it. You have to vote with your conscious. I admire you for standing up for your beliefs and fighting for the candidate you think is best suited for the job. I know the two party system sucks and that your candidate didn't stand a chance, but you voted for them anyway. Was it worth it? That is a question you are going to have to ask yourself and answer during these next four years.

To Hillary Clinton: I am so proud of you. During this joke of an election you always stood tall, held your ground, and fought for us. Thank you. Thank you for your work and I hope you will continue to fight for what is right and that we'll see you again in 2020. You have been a model of hope for Americans everywhere. Thank you for conducting yourself like a true presidential candidate. Thank you for being informed and aware and for listening to the needs of real American people. Thank you for fighting till the bitter end. We will follow your example and we will move forward and live to fight another day.

To Donald Trump: I don't care if you did win the presidency. That position does not automatically give you respect. You have to earn it, and to be honest, I don't have high hopes that you will earn mine. However, I am going to give you a chance to prove that you aren't the sexist, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, bigot that I'm pretty sure you are. It's going to take a lot of work on your part to convince me. I hope you take this position seriously. I hope you listen to the American people (ALL of the American people) and fight like hell to help unite this country. I don't think you will, but I hope you prove me wrong.

The election is over and now we all have to live with the choices we and others have made. I'm not going to lie. I'm scared. I'm really scared. I was talking to my mom earlier and crying and telling her I was scared. When she asked me why I said, "Because Trump is exhibiting deplorable behaviors and half the country voted for him. I'm afraid that because he won people are going to think these behaviors are ok because our president is doing them." I started googling self-defense classes this morning because as a woman I am afraid. I always thought that the majority of people in this country were good people and treated others with respect. When I saw how half the people in this country voted, it became a lot harder for me to assume people are inherently good and we just have a few bad seeds. HALF OF OUR COUNTRY VOTED FOR TRUMP. Now, I'm not saying that all Trump supporters are sexists or racists or homophobes, etc. But whether or not they are, they voted for a man who is clearly all of these things, which is why this morning half of the country is crying and shaking in fear.

Just this morning I've seen a teacher talk about how her second-graders today were worried that they would be forced to leave the country and go back to a country that would have them killed. I've seen a friend questioning whether or not his recent marriage was even going to be valid that much longer. I've seen friends in foreign countries relaying the messages of disbelief and fear from around the world. Like me, I've seen women scared to have their rights taken away and feeling the need to learn to defend ourselves. I've seen a tweet from a Muslim mother telling her daughter not to wear her hijab for fear of her getting killed. I've seen a tweet from a mother telling her lesbian daughter not to tell anyone she likes girls for the same reason.

This is the country we are living in today. We are going to have to try and push past this fear in order to fight for the unity this country so desperately needs. This is not how America is supposed to be. America is supposed to be the melting pot. A place where everyone can feel safe and free and not have to hide. I hope I get to see that America one day, but it is going to take a lot of work for us to get there.

Last week in church my pastor told a story about an American bomber pilot who crashed outside a French village. The villagers went out in the dead of night to retrieve him and they cared for him until he died. After he died they went to the priest and asked him if they could bury this American pilot in the church cemetery. The priest said no. He's not from our village. He's not from our country. He's not a member of our church. He's Protestant according to his dog tag. You can't bury him here. So they buried him just outside the fence of the cemetery, but the next day they saw that he was now inside the grounds because the caretaker had moved the fence out so that he would be inside the grounds. My pastor then continued by saying that in 2016 it's not enough for us to just move the fence. Now is the time for us to take down the fence. I couldn't agree more. We need to stop building walls and barriers between us. We need to stop making everything US versus THEM. We need to start listening to each other and being there for each other despite our differences.

Trump can build his wall, but I'm going to tear down fences.

A Love Story

Most of you know that I am very romantically inexperienced. And by inexperienced, I mean seriously naive. I've made mention of this in a previous post and if you've seen the movie Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore then you have a bit of an idea about my romantic experience. To sum it up: I'm 26 years old. I've never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, and never been kissed. For a long time that was really hard for me to deal with. I didn't understand why I was so unlovable. With time, I cared less and less. I didn't need a man to prove I had worth. Let's be real. I'm pretty freaking awesome. I know this and that's really all that matters. I'm a very happy person and I love myself regardless of what anyone else thinks. I've got flaws. Lots of them. But I love myself anyway. I know my good traits far outweigh my bad traits. So yeah, I don't need a man to know I have worth, but it's never stopped me from wanting to find a special guy to recognize that worth as well.

I started trying out dating sites a few years ago, and was kind of embarrassed about it, but at the same time, I felt like I'd run out of options. Clearly conventional means weren't working for me. I did Match.com and OkCupid for a while and nothing came of it. Around October last year I joined eHarmony after hearing a success story from a couple of my really good friends. I had pretty much the same luck as I did with every other dating site but on an even grander scale. eHarmony would send me new matches every day and if I didn't get to looking at them for a while they all piled up. At one point I reached over 800 matches and I had to turn off getting new ones. It's really overwhelming sitting there and going through hundreds of profiles, let me tell you.

Back in May a couple of my friends and I used the huge amount of downtime we had during a shift at work to sort through some of my eHarmony matches. In two days we had sent off 70 messages and deleted about 300 profiles. Sorting through it with my friends made the process more fun and we were able to get rid of a huge chunk of my extensive match-pool. Of those 70 messages we sent out, I got one reply. It was from a guy named Fletcher.

We went through eHarmony's steps of "guided communication" before we started having regular conversations. He told me that we started communicating at a really unfortunate time because he was heading out of town for the summer and wouldn't be back until early September. I was bummed, but we kept chatting anyway. For about a month we emailed back and forth probably once a day or every other. The more we talked the more we discovered how much we have in common and the more I liked him. He's incredibly smart, funny, charming, witty, and the sweetest guy I've (n)ever met. After a month went by we started emailing more frequently, multiple times a day, and I could tell he was falling for me too.

A couple weeks ago we decided to move to some form of instant communication and we started talking on Google chat. We basically haven't stopped talking since then. The entire time we've been communicating our conversations have been completely open and honest with each other, even when we have a difficult topic we need to discuss. About a week ago after working through one of those difficult conversations we did the unthinkable. We said "I love you," on Google chat, and with never having met or (at that point) spoken to each other.

I know what you're thinking. That's insane! You can't fall in love with a stranger on the internet! Believe me, I didn't think it was possible either. For a while I was thinking I was crazy for moving so fast. Part of me still thinks it is a little crazy, but the more I talked to my friends about it, the less crazy it seemed. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that love is like sugar cookies. Stay with me for a minute...

When you make sugar cookies you can change up the ingredients you use a bit. You can make them gluten free, you can make them without eggs, you can make them with vanilla extract or almond extract, you can even make sugar cookies with no sugar. There are tons of different options and combinations for you to choose from. Once you have your dough rolled out you can make a million different shapes from the classic round cookie to holiday shapes to animals to hearts and so much more. You can do whatever you want. Once you've baked your assortment of cookie shapes you can top them with sugar dust or frosting or sprinkles or candies. There are billions of combinations you can make when it comes to making a sugar cookie, but you know what? In the end, regardless of how you made it, it's still a sugar cookie.

That's how I feel about love. There is no instruction manual for falling in love. It doesn't always happen as boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, they kiss, fall in love, get married, and have babies. Yeah, that's one way it happens, but it sure as hell isn't the only way. For one thing, sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls. That's love. Sometimes two people are friends for years and years and they never thought about each other romantically, but then one day that all changes. That's love. Sometimes they know after one date. That's love. Sometimes people fall in love with someone 10 years older than them, or 15 or 20. That's love. Sometimes people fall in love and don't want to get married and have babies. That's love too! Marriage and babies aren't a requirement for love! There is no one size fits all recipe for love! As Lin Manuel Miranda put so eloquently in his acceptance speech "Love is love is love is love is love is love is love."

So here's the truth. I'm in love with a guy who is 9 years older than me, who I've never met in person, and who I've only been talking to for 2 months. My love story is not any less significant than any other person's love story. It's different, but it's still real, and it's mine. I shouldn't have to hide my love story for fear of people's judgments. So tonight, on our two-month anniversary, we are announcing our love to the world, knowing full well how crazy it may seem. We don't care. We're happy, we're in love, and we're excited to see where this relationship goes. We both know it may not end the way we want it to, but we're just happy to enjoy what we've got right here, right now.

Being in love is an amazing feeling, and no one should feel like they have to hide it. I don't know if you've noticed, but this world could use a lot more love in it. Now, it has ours.

Let There Be Peace on Earth

I was supposed to get this up yesterday, but I failed. Guess I'm a day late and a dollar short. Oh well.

Sunday at church we had a beautiful service to celebrate our nation's independence. It was full of wonderful music that really made me feel a love for my country that I haven't felt in a while. Our country is struggling right now. I kind of feel like a parent watching my rebellious teenager acting out and not being able to do anything about it and wondering when they are going to grow out of this phase. It makes sense because America really is a teenager in comparison to other countries. We are still really young and we're still trying to figure out how to become the best country we can be. I hope we'll get there one day, but I know it's not going to be soon.

There is so much negativity in our country, in our world. It hurts every time I see another shooting, another rape, another senseless murder. It weighs very heavily on me at times and I'm sure a lot of my recent Facebook posts reflect that. This election cycle in particular is really bringing out the worst in everyone, including me. But on Sunday while I was sitting in that pew I realized, for every bad person I hear about in the news, there are five good ones in the shadows who I've never heard of. Most of the people in this world go about their lives adding positivity and happiness to the people around them without a big fanfare. There are some genuinely good people in this world, and sometimes I need to remind myself of that.

The last song we sang in that service was "Let There Be Peace on Earth." If you haven't heard it, I've attached a link at the bottom of this post. This is a beautiful song and it was just the reminder I needed. A world in turmoil is going to stay that way unless every individual does their best to change it. I really do want there to be peace on Earth one day, and I'm going to do my own small part to do what I can. I want to be the person who radiates positivity wherever I go. I want to change people's lives simply by being kind, caring, and understanding. I want to accept every person for who they are regardless of their race, sexual orientation, religion, gender, or age. I may not always succeed, but that's not going to stop me from trying. Regardless of your spiritual preferences or non-preferences I think that's something we can all agree on. Happy Independence Day.

Let peace begin with me

Let this be the moment now.

With every step i take

Let this be my solemn vow.

To take each moment

And live each moment

With peace eternally.

Let there be peace on earth,

And let it begin with me.

Pray for Paris

I'm a Facebook junkie. I'll freely admit it. And if you are anything like me, you'll often come across something on your newsfeed that you disagree with. Facebook and all social media platforms are full of controversy. They thrive on it. It's how they survive. I have perfected the art of ignoring and scrolling down whenever I see something that contradicts my own beliefs. I try not to get involved in comment wars over differences in opinion. We're all human. We're all allowed to have different opinions, and we're all allowed to share those opinions on whatever platform we choose. Today is different. This morning I saw something that made me stop short. On this, I cannot remain silent.

We are all mourning for the lives lost in the attacks throughout Paris. I know because my Facebook has exploded with pictures and posts and hashtags of support for our allies. Every person has their own way of expressing their love to Paris. I was feeling nothing but love and unity and support while I was scrolling, until I ran across this picture.

I'm not offended easily. I always try to take a step back and think about where a person is coming from. I don't always succeed at being open-minded, but I try. This is easily the most offensive thing I have ever seen on Facebook. Regardless of how you feel about prayer or religion or God, you should not tell other people how to deal with this tragedy. Especially not one day after the events. That is not tactful. That is not compassionate. And if I'm being honest, that is not ok.

For who knows what reason, I decided to look at the comments on this picture. I suppose I was looking for someone to say what I was feeling so I could like it, and move on. No one did. In fact, because the picture wasn't bad enough, I found this:

I pulled this from the Eagles of Death Metal FB page under the comments section stating the band and crew were safe, couldn't agree more:

"Until we eradicate ALL religion from our lives, our species will NEVER be truly free, and we will continue to enjoy human beings slaughtering their fellow human beings over nothing more than whose intellectually and morally offensive, primitive, fear-based fairy tales are the only "true" fairy tales (and which therefore allegedly justify such subhuman behavior). Condolences to all involved; hopefully our species will soon realize that here in the 21st Century, we no longer need religion -- and the type of knuckle-dragging bigotry and barbarism it promotes and justifies -- any more. "

Guys. I have nothing against atheists. I have many atheist friends including some of the people I love the most in this world. We respect each others beliefs and opinions and we discuss them openly. So, please correct me if I am wrong here. I get why many atheists hate religion. There is a lot of hypocrisy, bigotry, and violence in the name of God(s). From what I understand many atheists have problems with religion because of their intolerance on a myriad of issues. 

To me, that comment is intolerant of those of us who are religious. Religious people do not hold a monopoly on hypocrisy, bigotry, violence, or intolerance. In my opinion whoever wrote that comment is not being very open-minded. They may not need religion, but that doesn't mean that no one does. Every person on this planet is an individual and it is their right to decide how to live their life. We need to stop generalizing and grouping people together based on one category of their lives. We are all guilty of it, including me, and it needs to stop. 

What I am coming to understand is that just like there are religious extremists who give all religions a bad name, there are atheistic extremists who give atheism a bad name. I would never tell one of my non-religious friends exactly how to deal (or not deal) with this tragedy. They are allowed to grieve in their own way. Please allow me to grieve in mine. So regardless of how anyone else feels about it, I will pray that the violence and intolerance of this world will one day come to an end. I will pray that one day we will all be able to live together in harmony. I will pray for Paris.

I apologize if this post offends anyone. I tried to keep it as open-minded and non-biased as I could. If you want to discuss it with me, I am happy to have a conversation with you about it. I do ask that we try to avoid negativity and talk about things rationally and respectfully. Thanks for reading.

Epiphany

I went to work the other day and two of my friends were talking about their upcoming backpacking trip in Zion National Park. One friend invited me to come along a while back but I declined because I knew I was visiting my friend Laney in Vegas already this month and couldn't afford to lose more work. He offered again and I said I couldn't because I have work. He jokingly told me to call out.

Instantly my mind started listing all the reasons I shouldn't do it. I need the money. I don't want more points for calling out. I don't have half the camping gear I need. I'm in bad shape and won't be able to keep up. I can't leave my cat again. It's a long drive and gas prices are ridiculous. While all these thoughts were rolling around in my brain, my heart was quietly whispering, "...but...I want to go..."

I started to shift my thinking into figuring out if I could actually make this work. Here's what I realized: I don't want to be one of those people who won't do things because they need to save their money. I realized that my life will be a much happier one if it is full of rich experiences instead of having a full savings account. Yes there are legitimate reasons I shouldn't go on the trip, but one reasons trumps all those. It will make me happy.

My happiness is the most I could ask for in this life I am living. While I believe in an afterlife, I want to live my life here on Earth to the fullest. I want to go on spontaneous trips with my friends. I want to buy and read a lot of books. I want to binge watch a TV show for a week straight. I want to eat ice cream every day. I want to do what makes me happy and I want to do it without feeling regret or shame.

It's silly, but even by setting goals for the things that make me happy, end up destroying my happiness...For example I always set a reading goal every year and when I get behind I get discouraged. Why should I be discouraged!? If I feel like picking up a book and reading, then that's awesome! If I'd rather watch TV or play a video game instead, that's cool too.

And I don't know if you know this, but I LOVE ice cream. Like seriously...if ice cream were a man then I would marry him and have little ice cream babies of delicious creamy goodness. Wait...where was I? Oh yeah. So I love ice cream and I probably have some form or other of frozen dairy treat every day. And every time I do, I feel ashamed because I know it's not good for me. WHO CARES!? Ice cream is freaking delicious and I just want to enjoy it and not hate myself afterward.

Life's too short for regret and shame. I plan on moving forward and pursuing my happiness. Obviously I need to be financially aware and responsible, but that doesn't mean I can't dip into the savings account every once in a while. I have a really amazing life and I'm young and have all kinds of adventures ahead of me. I can't wait to see what happens in my future.

Do what makes you happy and do what you can to make others happy. And that's my new philosophy!

*bonus points if you knew the musical right away

I Must Be Crazy

Guys. I love lists. They are like my favorite thing. I love planning and organizing and making sure everything is perfect. I have been planning a backpacking trip to Europe in 2020 for like two years. It started out as a three month trip, and now it's up to five months - and I'm not even done planning yet! But I must be crazy because logical, organized, and list-loving me, is considering throwing all those plans out the window, grabbing my backpack, and heading to Europe for a year with no plans but to have the adventure of a lifetime.

The thought is equally exhilarating and terrifying. But why not!? People do that sort of thing all the time! Why can't I!? There is plenty of information out there on how much it costs to travel through Europe. If I budget high, I see no reason I couldn't do it. And hey if I run out of money before the year is up, I'll just go home.

I really want to talk myself into doing this. The reason I wanted to travel through Europe without a travel group was because I didn't want anyone telling me where to go or how long to stay. I wanted to make my own itinerary and have some wiggle room for spontaneity. By making my own itinerary and planning things down to the hour, I am doing to myself what the travel group would have done anyway!

What would happen if I just showed up and had no plans? It might be stupid. It might be the most amazing experience in my life. In fact I think it would. I'm probably crazy, but I'm so excited by the idea, I don't even care. Only five more years Europe. See you soon!

She's Baaaaaaack!

Wow. Finally had a spare moment today to pop on over here and see that my last post was over 6 months ago. I couldn't believe it! Well, actually I could because my life got totally crazy. As you may recall from a previous post, I was suffering from a bout of depression after my move to California, but since then, I am happy to report, things have improved dramatically. I'll try and catch you up on all the craziness you've missed the last 6 months. Here's a visual interpretation:

1. Jenna came to visit me in August. We ate cronuts, went to Six Flags, and chilled on the beach.
2. Went to an Angels game with co-workers.
3. Had drinks after the game. Including Irish Car Bombs:
4. Which were disgusting.
5. Went to Disneyland with my family.
6. Went whale watching with Randy and Anthony in Dana Point.
7. Hung out at the beach with friends.
8. Went home for a visit in September and saw these lovely ladies.
9. Went to a book signing in Oceanside. Saw Stephanie Perkins, Kiersten White, & Natalie Whipple.
10. Went ice skating with D-Wade.
11. Went to Mad T Party and saw the Halloween fireworks with Sheila.
12. Got dressed up for a Halloween Time Travel Party. I was sexy Hermione with a time turner.
13. Jenna came back for a visit in October. We found Perry at Disneyland.
14. Went to the Rise of the Jack-o-Lanterns which had some seriously awesome pumpkin art.
15. Learned to drive a boom lift for:
16. Small World Holiday Exterior.
17. Moved into my very own 1 bedroom apartment! Thanks Mom and Dad!
18. They also brought my cat Strider who lives with me now. We're so happy to be back together!
19. Went to the TSO concert. Duh.
20. Went to see The Nutcracker in Long Beach.
21. Bought a bunch of decorations for my new place including a full sized Christmas Tree.
22. Went to the Newport Beach Parade of Lights with Sheila.
23. Rode a mechanical bull shark in Newport Beach.
24. Elisa and I got our rain gear on for another day of work at #wocrehab.
25. Working in the nasty muck under the tables at #wocrehab.

So there you have it! A lot has been happening and most of it has been really great! I loved spending time with friends old and new and exploring new places and finding fun things to do here. It's been a whirlwind adventure moving to California and working for Disney. I can't wait to see what surprises 2015 has in store!

Cheers!
Holly