A Lifestyle Change for the Better

Change is hard. It takes time, patience, and determination. I am changing, both physically and mentally. This is not an easy journey, nor is it a short one. I am talking about my health. I have been overweight for most of my life. Things never got so out of hand that I became obese, for which I am grateful, but I have never been the best me I can be. I have done all the diets, and failed them all, because my heart wasn't in it. This time things are different.

It started when my dad got diagnosed with lung cancer. He smoked for 30 years, but hadn't smoked in 8 years when we got the news. He was paying for the choices he made when he was younger. I don't want to make that same mistake. When I was in college I gained more than my fair share of the Freshman 15, but in my senior year I lost 19 pounds. When I came home, I gained it all back, and then some.

That is not going to happen this time around. Because finally my heart and my head are on the same page. This is not about getting skinny for me. That will be a nice bonus, but I'm much more concerned about changing my lifestyle. I need to fuel my body with healthier foods and exercise, and that's what I'm doing. So far I've lost 18.4 pounds. It's a great start and I'm happy, but I still have a ways to go.

I know I'm winning this time around because of all the small victories along the way. The last three movies I've gone to I didn't have a single kernel of popcorn or a single sip of soda. Yes, it smelled delicious, but it's just not worth it for me. When I eat out, I make much healthier choices and I make sure I know how my food is prepared and what's in it. I am making time for exercise which is something I have actually come to enjoy. Speaking of soda, I've given up soda except for one time a month. Sometimes I crave it, but most of the time, I find I really don't need or want it anymore. This is huge!

I am loving my new life. Like I said, I've still got about 30 pounds to lose, but every victory counts. I will get there, no matter how long it takes. And when I make it, I will be the best me I can be. 

In Remembrance

Rest in Peace

Today is a very sad day. One of the most brilliant and talented actors we know has left this world for the next, leaving all of us to mourn at his passing. Philip Seymour Hoffman was truly one of the greatest performers of our time. On stage or on screen, we were always dazzled by his art. There are so many beautiful pieces of art we will never be able to see because of this tragedy.

Being a part of the theatre industry (if only in spirit, at the present time) I can understand the stress and anxieties we face. I am not an actor, therefore I can't identify with an actor's mind. But I can try. It must be extremely hard to be an actor of such renown. You are constantly bombarded by paparazzi and fans. There is no way to escape. You are constantly critiqued about everything you do, say, think, and feel. You're being judged on how you look, how you dress, how you behave, and how you perform. Much of the time these judgments are negative and even the most optimistic person in the world can't shove every nasty comment aside.

The only friends you have are fellow actors, and you don't know if any of them are your "real" friends. How can you trust anyone? Everyone in this industry is looking out for number one. When you feel alone and have no one to turn to, you turn to substances to fill a need you feel you can't get anywhere else. As an artist you feel things more deeply and vividly than your fellow man. So when you are down, you are really down. Then when you reach a breaking point, you take things. one. step. too. far.

Philip Seymour Hoffman did not need to die. Nobody should feel this way. Nobody should feel like their only friend can be found in the bottom of a bottle, at the end of a needle, or on the edge of a blade. Everyone should have at least one person in their life that they can count on, no matter what. That one true friend who you can call any time, day or night, to pick you up and encourage you.

To all my actor friends out there. When you make it big, and I have no doubt you will, I want you to always remember that you have one true friend. Never hesitate to call me when you need me. I will always be here for you. I will do my best to pick you up when you are down. I will give you all the kind words and encouragement you need.

I AM HERE FOR YOU. 

I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU.

And that is not just for my actor friends. It is for all of you. I never want you to feel alone. All I want is for you to feel loved.

BECAUSE YOU ARE LOVED. 

I LOVE YOU.

I love each and every one of you, so please don't do anything stupid.

Now let's give Philip Seymour Hoffman a proper sendoff. Let's all take a moment to appreciate the work of a true artist. Here's to you Philip! Thanks for the memories.

"I think you should be serious about what you do because this is it. This is the only life you've got."

- Philip Seymour Hoffman

A Little Note

As you can tell from my #2 New Year's Resolution (Blog once a week)...things are not going so well.

However! We are still only in the first month of this year and anything can happen! I am so looking forward to all the amazing things that are going to happen this year. I just know God is going to shower me with many blessings! So here's to a beautiful year and all of our beautiful dreams. Never give up on your dreams! I know I never will! Longer post next time! Talk to you soon!

Holly

Happy New Year!

It's that day of the year when everyone makes a list of goals to achieve in the upcoming year. I actually like New Years resolutions. It's good to have goals, both short and long. The way I look at it is yes, it would be awesome to achieve everything I list in my resolutions, but even if I only complete a few, that is still a success. So here's to a brand new year. I just know that 2014 is going to be an amazing year. It's going to be my year! I am starting my life, and I am starting it now. 2014, look out! I am coming for you!

1. Fit into a size six dress by New Year’s Eve and WORK IT!

2. Blog at least once a week.

3. Read, read, read. Usually my goal is 100 books which would be amazing, but my more achievable goal would be 75 books which would beat my previous years. In addition I would like 20-30% of the books I read to be on my own-to-be-read bookshelf.

4. Get my first kiss. Yes, you read that correctly. I am 24 years old and still haven’t got my first kiss. Most of the people that read this blog already know this because I am an open book. So whether this means meeting someone and having it go somewhere, or picking a total stranger and making out, I am getting this done before I turn 25. For reals.

5. Start my career. Seriously. It’s time for me to stop making excuses and start really putting myself out there. If this job happened to mean moving to California, I would not be sad about that at all.

6. Get a dog so my soul will stop being broken.

7. Talk to my friends. This seems like a no-brainer, but I’m serious. Growing up, nobody tells you how hard it is to keep friends when you're an adult. Newsflash: it is. How often do I pick up the phone and call a friend just to chat. Let me answer that – never! This is not acceptable. I need to be a better friend and put forth the effort to keep my friends in my life.

8. See my friend Jenna graduate from Grad school. What an achievement! I can’t wait to see it!

9.Visit my friends in Vegas. I need a vacation and someone to quote Spongebob with me.

10. Write letters. Like real ones with a pen instead of a keyboard. One each month.

11. One drink soda once a month. I can pick a special occasion and that will be my time.

12. Pay off a debt. This will be tough, but I want to do as much as I can to make it happen.

13. Save up $2,000+ for something.

14. Save up to buy myself something special – class ring, artwork, language program, etc…

15. Take a class – hip hop, French, painting, etc…

16. Make time each day for daily devotion and prayer.

17. Donate a sizable chunk to charity.

18. Finish reading the Bible.

19. Make time to have some fun – like playing video games, which I love, but rarely play.

20. Create something.

I hope you all achieve all your goals and have an amazing 2014. 

Happy New Year!

Dear No One

Oh. My. Gosh. I have been catching up on Ellens (I am almost through October. Yes, I am THAT behind) and Ellen had a guest musician named Tori Kelly. She played a song that is so beautiful and SO FREAKING ME! Honestly, it's my new theme song. I am in LOVE. I hope you love it too. I think she has a gorgeous voice. Enjoy!

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don’t gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I’d love to have a soul mate
God will give him to me someday
& I know it’ll be worth the wait

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

Closed Minds. Closed Hearts.

Need to rant for just a second. Tonight we went and saw Spamalot at the Zigfield Theatre, a small community theatre just down the street. For those of you who don't know what Spamalot is about, let's just say it's not rated PG. There is swearing, sex, and other general bits of hilarious naughtiness. At one point in the second act the group in front of us stood up and walked out. Here is why I am mad.

It wasn't:

The Lady of the Lake's boobs spilling out of her dress,

The guy in his underwear with a D over his penis,

The naughty word spelled out with the shields,

The graphic descriptions from the French taunters,

The cursing,

The sexual innuendos,

The jab at the Jews,

or anything else that made them get up and leave.

You know what it was? You guessed it.

The gay one.

The song where Lancelot figures out that he is gay makes the woman in front of me stand up and usher her four kids out of the show. These "kids" are high school age or older. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD!? I mean seriously!? I don't understand how these people's minds work. These are the type of people that - whether they mean to or not - encourage bullying, encourage judgement, and encourage hate. The LGBT community and their supporters (me included) often blame closed-mindedness for their behavior. But I think it goes deeper than that. Is it their minds that are closed or is it their hearts?

How can anyone see a human being and think that because they are different from you that makes them less of a person. That makes it okay to taunt, torment, and torture them often leading to suicide? How can anyone look at my friend Payden and see anything but a beautiful and talented performer with a huge heart? How can anyone look at my friend Bryan and see anything but a hardworking individual with the biggest smile and the best hugs? How can anyone look at my friend Ryan and see anything other than an ambitious man who never gives up on his dreams and conquers everything he sets his mind to? How can anyone look at one of the most famous LGBT of all time - Ellen Degeneres - and see anything other than the most giving, big-hearted, beautiful, inspirational, and truly kind person in the whole world? Most importantly, how can anyone look at these individuals as anything other than a human being who deserves respect?

I can't and I won't.

Rant over...

at least for now.

We still have 35 states to go, after all.

In Your Facebook

I have been wanting to write this post for over a month now and just haven't had the energy to sit down and write it down...until now. I'm sure you all recall a certain furlough that happened about a month which caused quite an uproar on The Facebook. Now, don't get me wrong, I love me a little Facebook time and seeing what all my peeps are posting, but occasionally I just get fed up! Don't you!? I mean, seriously, on one of my friends timelines he had six Obama/government bashing posts in one day. I think we get the point.

Now I'm not saying that the furlough didn't suck, because it totally did! And if I had been directly affected by it, I would have felt like complaining too; however, what good would it do me? When you see all these people posting complaint after complaint and whine after whine on Facebook it's enough to make you go crazy. The only thing they are accomplishing by all that complaining is pissing off half of their Facebook friends. I know during the furlough I hid all post from three different people on my feed because I had just had enough.

I think the difference between me and the people who shared all those anti-government posts is that I always try to spin things in a positive way. You know that saying that someone always has it worse than you do? I take that saying very seriously. So yeah, it sucks that a huge portion of our country was out of the job for a few weeks. They probably had to rework their budget and cut out a few things like movies, or eating out at restaurants, or buying a book they've been wanting to read. But even with all the crap things going on in our country and with our government at least our country doesn't look like this:

Granted, the US has its own poverty problems, but the fact of the matter is that our 16% rate of poverty doesn't even come close to the 77% in countries like Haiti. Or the 60%-70% in nearly every country in Africa. Yeah, America's got it's problems, but I still feel pretty blessed to live here.

Don't you hate it when people judge you, or stereotype you, or assume things about you? I know I do. How do you think President Obama feels, or the members of congress feel, about all the hate that has been hurled toward them recently? Believe or not, those people are human, and they have feelings. I try my very best not to judge anyone. Sometimes it's hard, but I try. Every post that someone put on facebook, or shared, or liked is just perpetuating hate. I'm not okay with that. The God I believe in is a God of love and not hate, so I try to live my life loving others instead of hating and judging them. I have no idea why they have made the decisions they have made, but it's not my place to judge them for those decisions. My place is to accept the decisions and try and make the best of them or to get behind a legitimate cause in the hopes of changing those decisions for the better. Complaining won't do any good, so why bother?

Politics aren't the only thing on Facebook that are causing arguments and un-friending to happen. Another one is the R word. That's right - Religion. GASP! Now, I am a religious person. Everyone who knows me already knows this about me. It is something I am very open about, very vocal about, and very serious about. However, I know that not all of my friends on Facebook feel the same way as I do about religion, so I try not to overload them with too many "spiritual posts" because I don't want them to unfriend me. Some may say that that means I am stifling my opinions or hiding who I really am, but I don't see it that way. I am trying to be considerate of my fellow Facebookers by respecting their opinions. I only wish they would do the same for me.

As I said I have a few friends on Facebook who don't believe in religion which is fine with me, but when they start posting anti-religion posts, that really gets to me. Just like with politics I am overwhelmed by the judgement that these people are perpetuating. Particularly because many of these people left their religion because they were feeling judged. Now they are returning the favor. On one of my friend's posts someone commented, "If anyone posts more than two religious posts, I unfriend them." I like to think that my friends would respect me enough to just block me from their news feed rather than unfriending me like a twelve year old would after an argument. 

This hurts more than the political posts because these are directed at me whether they mean them to be or not. They are. Some of the things I see are hard to stomach and even though those people don't believe in God, I do. And believe it or not, I don't pray for the world to believe in God, I just pray that the world would find it's own humanity and stop the madness that is happening all around us. I will probably post a more in depth post about religion and my views on it in the future, but for now, I want to leave you with one thought.

"The only thing we have to HATE is HATE itself."