If you've been on Facebook this week, you've undoubtedly heard about the shootings near USC Santa Barbara. The news of that shooting was followed by two major Twitter threads. First was #NOTALLMEN, closely followed by #YESALLWOMEN.
For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about here's a quick rundown. A 22 year old boy went on a shooting rampage on Friday night killing six and leaving 13 injured. Before his violent spree he left a 137 page manifesto for his parents as well as a video posted on YouTube. In these manifestos the killer states that he was paying back humanity for injustices against him. These injustices are that women didn't return his affections. Yes, you read that correctly. No, calling him a boy instead of a man was not a mistake or typo. Below is the video posted as well as a link that will lead you to the manifesto.
While I avoid the news at all costs, this story warranted a response. Here's the truth. I share some things in common with this murderer. I am a 24 year old woman who has never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and is still a virgin. Don't worry. I'm not going to go on a killing spree. You see, the key difference between us is that I don't consider myself a victim.
I'm not going to lie, it sucks. It really sucks! I have a huge capacity to love and all I've ever wanted is to find someone to love and who loved me in return. It doesn't seem like a whole lot to ask. I've dealt with the loneliness my whole life and it took me a while to get to the state of acceptance I'm in today. Yeah, it's not fun being alone, but any guy I like is not obligated to return my affections. I am not entitled to be loved romantically. The universe doesn't owe me that.
I know a perfectly wonderful middle-aged woman who never married. She is kind and loving and I'm sure she wanted to find a husband and have children, but it just wasn't in the cards for her. She accepted that. She dealt with that. She is living a happy life without having a man by her side.
I call this killer a boy because in this video he acts like a spoiled brat. It is a
This guy thinks he's a victim, but he's not. There are real victims out there. There are the six people he murdered, the thirteen he injured, the families and friends of all the victims, and his parents, who have to live with the guilt of their son's actions.
I agree with both the #NOTALLMEN and #YESALLWOMEN campaigns. Both have good points. Not all men are monsters, but statistically speaking, women have a lot to be afraid of. Go wander around this site for a while and tell me we have nothing to fear. What is more shocking to me than the fact the people actually rape in the first place, is how victims are treated when they report rape. Read a few of the testimonials from Project Unbreakable and you'll see what I mean. These are REAL victims.
I may be lonely, but I'd rather be sad and alone than the one in every four women in the US who've been sexually assaulted. I am very lucky. Many people out there are not. Whatever group you fit into, victim or not, how you handle it says a lot about you as a person. Many victims go on to fight another day and help other victims. Whoever you are. Whatever your story. Don't act like a victim. Be strong. Be courageous. Be the change you want to see in the world. Live to fight another day. Know you are loved and you are a warrior. You are unbreakable.